I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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