SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
sex in a hospital.. check
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
