I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
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I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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