I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
