I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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