sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
