I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
