I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
