...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
