it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
