No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
