Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
