Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
