Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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