I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
