you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
