How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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