Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
