Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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