apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
