I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
