Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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