billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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