i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
