oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
