Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
