I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
