my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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