Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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