my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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