Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
