No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
