I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
