i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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