New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
