I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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