So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's shark week go big or go home
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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