wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
only you would photoshop your dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
