My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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