I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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