u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
