oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
