Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
