If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
