ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
