jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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