I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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