i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
