OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
