you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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