his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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