He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
