Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize