ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
