Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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