I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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