And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
