It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
