One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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