I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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