My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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