how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
