on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
