____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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