So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
