Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
