Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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