I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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