The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
