Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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