And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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