the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
