he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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