i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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