Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
