If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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