I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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