my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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