You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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