i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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